Parenting a child with gender dysphoria can be a challenge. Other family members, schools, and community members may bully or pressure you and your child into conforming with ‘normal’ gender expressions, which can be upsetting and harmful to your family.
You might be confused about the best way to help your child grow up to have healthy relationships and a stable productive life. You might be unsure whether your child is gay or straight, transgender or traditionally-gendered. This article will explain some basic information about gender dysphoria and transgender identities, and will give you some tips for parenting a transgender child.
What is Gender Dysphoria?
Identity dysphoria happens when someone’s sense of themselves does not match with society’s expectation of them. Gender dysphoria occurs when someone’s sense of his or herself as a gendered person (that is, as a boy or a girl) does not match with what society tells them. Usually, children are given a gender identity at birth based on their physical sex. In the case of intersex children, some of whom are not born with obvious physical sex characteristics, gender identity may not be given until a short time after birth.
Children develop a sense of themselves as they grow and interact with the world. Most children never question their gender identity and accept that they are a boy or girl – some may be more ‘girlish’ or ‘boyish’ than other children, but still are comfortable living as a boy or a girl.
Children with gender dysphoria do not associate themselves with the gender they were given at birth. Many wish to be called by a name or pronouns of another gender and see themselves as a boy or girl ‘on the inside.’ Some children begin to exhibit gender dysphoric behavior when they are yery young. Others do not appear to be experiencing gender dysphoria until they enter puberty.
Gender dysphoria isn’t something that a therapist or counselor can change or treat – it is simply a way for your child to express who he or she is. Some transgender children grow up to be transgender adults, and some do not. It is important to remember that gender is a normal human expression and is something that is fluid in all people to greater and lesser degrees. Even the most feminine woman wants to wear pants sometimes – something that used to be associated only with men. Gender dysphoria is simply a clinical way of discussing a child’s desire to express themselves through their own gender identity.
How Do I Help My Child?
Your child needs your unconditional love and support, especially since other people may not understand his or her transgender feelings. You are your child’s best and strongest advocate, and can help to ensure that they face a minimal amount of bullying from peers, teachers, and family members.
People are often very accepting when they are given the chance. Speak up on your child’s behalf, and work with teachers to make sure your child feels comfortable at school. Your child deserves a good education and cannot learn properly if he or she is being teased or is focusing on feeling comfortable.
Explain to your other children and to your child’s friends that all children have a right to dress and act however they feel most comfortable, and that teasing about gender expression is hurtful. Talk to other parents of gender dysphoric children to get support and share ways of coping with ‘trans-phobia’ in society. You may find you have a lot in common, and it can help to talk to other people who are going through similar experiences.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions from local or national organizations that work with adult transgender people, or to consult books or websites that give information about gender dysphoria and transgender identity.
Jamey Fisher - Jamey Fisher has a Master's degree in Gender Studies from the University of London. She has done extensive research on feminist history, ...
