Domestic violence – it’s something that can affect anyone. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people do experience domestic abuse, but the reality of LGBT relationship violence is rarely discussed. LGBT people can be reluctant to seek help from the police for fear of homophobic or transphobic treatment, and may be unable to turn to family or friends for support if they are not ‘out’ about their sexuality. This can leave LGBT people who suffer from domestic violence especially isolated and at risk of further abuse.
About 25% of LGBT people suffer through violent or threatening relationships with partners or ex-partners – about the same rate as heterosexual women. [1] Sometimes the abuse looks similar to that experienced by heterosexual women: emotional bullying, physical aggression, threats to harm the victim or other loved ones, social isolation, control of finances, extreme jealousy. There are additional features that can be present in LGBT intimate partner violence that do not factor into heterosexual relationships. The abuser may threaten to ‘out’ the victim to friends, family, religious communities, co-workers, and others if he or she does not comply with the abuser’s wishes. The abuser may use the close-knit dynamic of the gay and lesbian community and the lack of support for LGBT people outside the community to further pressure the victim into compliance. You can view a more complete list of abusive relationship signs here.
It can be hard for LGBT domestic violence victims to seek help because they may not want to disclose their sexuality to police or other organizations. Because of the general homophobia and transphobia in modern societies, LGBT victims of partner violence may be concerned about giving gay and lesbian relationships a ‘bad name’ and may refuse to speak up about the abuse they’re suffering. When people do seek help, police and other agencies may misunderstand the situation as a fight between two men or women rather than a violent intimate relationship.
While police and support agencies do not always understand the dynamics of LGBT domestic abuse, there are organisations that can help. Most women’s refuge organisations will support any women in domestic violence situations, regardless of their sexuality. There are major organisations in the US and in the UK that support men who are experiencing domestic violence. Many major cities have community workers that are specially trained to support LGBT people who have experienced domestic violence. Leaving a violent relationship can be emotionally difficult and physically dangerous – it’s important to get help and make a plan to leave an abusive partner in the safest way possible.
If you are experiencing violence in a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender relationship, don’t suffer in silence. Contact your local women’s aid organisation or LGBT community center for advice about your options. No one deserves relationship abuse.
[1] [1] Henderson, Laurie. “Prevalence of Domestic Violence Among Lesbians and Gay Men: Data Report to Flame TV,” Sigma Research, 2003.
Jamey Fisher - Jamey Fisher has a Master's degree in Gender Studies from the University of London. She has done extensive research on feminist history, ...
